A French aristocrat in 1755, a Scottish crofter in 1952, or really most people who have ever existed since the origin of our species would have found this criterion to be extremely odd, but it is now universally accepted and very difficult to overlook. This is the most fundamental test of the viability of any modern relationship. If we announced that we had broken up because sex was "no longer working," we could expect immediate sympathy and profound understanding. It has been strongly suggested to us that it would be highly peculiar and in some ways rather suspect to stay with anyone for any length of time if there were no intense sexual connection. Unlucky sex appears to be all we ever need to mention if we need a good excuse to depart.

However, we can also admit that this concept also has a strange and little absurd quality to it. Would we really end a relationship over something as fleeting as a mood that, from certain perspectives, is no more or less delightful than a delicious meal or an exhilarating dance floor moment? Would someone really put themselves through agony, break up a household, damage assets, and ruin children for anything like this? How much weight should we give to sex claims?

The fact that sex is both a physical and an emotional phenomena makes it difficult for us to judge where it should go in our list of reasons to remain or leave, which contributes to our confusion. There may be sex that seems to be a window into another person's soul and sex that has about as much significance as a game of tennis. Although the deed is the same, its meaning might differ greatly.

At this point, we could make a bold assertion: nobody has ever felt the need to end a relationship due to "poor sex." They could assert—and perhaps believe—that terrible lovemaking is the issue, but the underlying issue almost certainly lies somewhere else. Equally, any amount of absent or awkwardly physical sex can be tolerated as long as alternative arrangements can be made.

Lack of affection is what can't be tolerated and is the actual reason to go. The sense of being observed, understood, welcomed, encouraged, strengthened, and adored by another person is what a connection is all about. Without it, we might as well survive off our own food for the foreseeable future. But more importantly, there is a lot of room for individual expression and intimation of devotion. It could involve the interplay of imaginations, the use of limbs and lips, and erotic caresses. There may be other approaches as well, such as someone caressing us at night, holding our hands, attentively hearing our cries, or paying special attention to our needs. When it comes to ensuring a tight connection, a brief kiss when we get home might be just as significant as full-blown intercourse.

Long stretches without sex or rejection of our advances in bed threaten to distress us less because of the physical pleasures we're missing out on than because we have a constant need for affection: we want to be reassured, as directly as possible, that we still hold a very significant place in a lover's heart. Lack of sex in and of itself is not always a problem that might lead to our breakup. It's the absence that suggests a lack of intimacy and sensitivity.

In our book – The Erotic Journey of the Seven Graduates, our grads have some amazing and passionate sex that no one would even think of breaking up with them. And that’s how you should be as well. So what are you waiting for? Get our book and be a pro!